Well, Helen was nude and stood in front of the sleeping-room mirror. She was watching herself thorougly and then complained:

"Sam, it's a shame. I'm getting old and ugly, I'm too fat as well."

I replied:"Honey, but your eyes work perfectly."

After a week of her ignorance without any conversation at all she wanted me to buy her a conciliatory gift:

"Sam, get me something in bright red that only needs three seconds from zero to 60."

I surprised her with a brand-new Colani bathroom scale.